Royal Purple

Issue date: 4/23/08 Section: Lifestyle

Dear Abi [Click to enlarge]

Dear Abi,

I have a friend who I have been close to for years, now that she has begun a relationship in the past couple months, she has changed. I want to be happy for her, but at the same time I am deeply hurt at the neglect of our friendship and her attempt to try and pass the guilt onto me. I don't know how to approach my friend and let her know that her priorities have changed and I don't think they are all for the best.

Back Burner Brittney



Dear Back Burner Brittney,

Fall turns to spring. A seed grows to become a flower. Caterpillars transform into butterflies. The ocean's ebb becomes its flow. Moral of the story: things change, and unsurprisingly people change too.

It can be difficult to stand by and watch as a friend's priorities shift. But take Bon Jovi's advice and "hold on to what you've got." Good friends are hard to find, and valuable to maintain.

It seems like you care a great deal about your friend. Try your best to uphold your level- headedness, and avoid losing touch over something trivial.

Though it may be rough to watch your friend budget her time differently, it might be up to you to bite the bullet. Even if your friendship has been placed on the back burner, do not let your jealousy boil over.

If spending quality one-on-one time with your friend has become an impossibility, attempt to hang out with the happy couple together. Although getting over third-wheel syndrome may be easier said than done, tagging along may not be all that bad. Give it a chance.

Realize that it's not unusual for couples to go through a lovey dovey stage. You know, when the world and it's axis revolve around them. I'll confess, in the past, I've been guilty of it, and I'd go out on a limb and say that many others have experienced it as well. Rest assured that following this sappy stupor, your friendship will thrive once again. And your long lost friend will be grateful to have you there, just like the good ol' days.

If you still feel that your friendship is headed down the drain brace yourself for acceptance. Whether temporary or permanent, friends break up too. It doesn't mean that you will hate each other, or that you will never speak again. But sometimes drifting apart is best for your personal well being.

No matter when, where, why or how a friendship ends, adjusting to your new lifestyle sans your friend will be hard. But try not to see it as a loss, and merely as taking a break.

Kindergarteners everywhere enthusiastically recite the sing-song verse, "Make new friends, and keep the old. One is silver, and the other's gold." Put these old time lyrics to use as you go out into the world to meet new faces.

Best of luck,
Abi

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